


I love you, I'm sorry.

by pumkiniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 06:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumkiniall/pseuds/pumkiniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He sat on the kitchen floor just watching his hands playing with the razor. The clean, silver coloured razor that would soon be covered in the beautiful colour of his own blood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I love you, I'm sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hope you like it, I know it's sad though
> 
> follow me on twitter? x https://twitter.com/fcslouis

He sat on the kitchen floor just watching his hands playing with the razor. The clean, silver coloured razor that would soon be covered in the beautiful colour of his own blood. 

Niall liked watching when the sharp razor cut his wrists. He liked the feeling of all the pain just escape through the small openings in his arm. But this time it was hard to let the blade cut his flesh. It wasn’t that he had realised that he shouldn’t do it. Because he knew that, he just didn’t care. Although he knew that one person on the whole planet would care, that cares, that will always care. Harry. His curly haired boyfriend. He knew that if he cuts his wrists or even worse, pushes the blade in to his throat, Harry would blame himself. 

Niall hated seeing Harry cry, he hated the thought of Harry blaming himself if Niall committed suicide. He hated himself for making him sad but he knew that Harry’s life would be so much easier without him. He wouldn’t have to protect Niall all the time, he would be able to do what he wanted without knowing that Niall was at home harming himself. Harry’s life would be so much more peaceful.

Just as he took the razor and made a deep cut in his wrist the phone rang. It was Harry. Niall picked up the phone and as he said hello he tried to sound happy and ok. But Harry could hear that something was wrong. "Niall, are you ok babe?" he said. But Niall didn't want to make Harry worried about how bad it was this time. "Yeah, Harry I'm ok. I just read a sad book" he said hoping that Harry wouldn't realise that he was torn. "Baby, i don't care if you're tearing apart or if you're as happy as you could possibly be. I still love you. Can I come up in an hour?" He knew. Harry knew that Niall was broken inside and needed him. But Niall didn't want help. He wanted everyone to be happy without worrying about his life. "Sure." he answered, without saying a word about how he felt. 

As they hung up Niall looked down at his body. Both his wrist and legs were covered in blood and old scars. He didn't want to meet Harry today, he wanted to disappear. Die. He just wasn't sure if he should let Harry find him dead. So he took a pen and paper and wrote a letter to him.  
Dear Harry,  
I love you the most on the whole planet. I really mean it. You are the one that always believes in me and loves me for who I am. Thank you. And I'm so sorry for always letting you down. For not being a good boyfriend that loves parties and people in general. Not being there for you and not care enough about you. Im so sorry for being so selfish these last three years. I’m so so sorry Harry. And I don’t want to let you down again. I don’t like the feeling of hurting you. You know I hate goodbyes but I’m afraid this is one. I don’t want you to forget me or blame yourself, I will always stay in your heart and this isn’t your fault at all. I just can’t stand with the thought of disappoint everyone, especially you. I love you Harry, please remember me, love. Please.  
I love you.  
Niall took the letter and tried so hard to stand up but he was weak. He fell over and over again so he ended up on the kitchen floor where he first started. He put the letter to his Harry beside him and took his cellphone in one hand and pressed ‘991’. At the same time the lady on the other end answered he took his now red razor firmly with the other hand. “Hi, how can I help you?” the lady said. Niall was so scared now but he knew that he had to do this. “Hi… M m my name i i is Niall and I need you to..” Niall stopped. It hurt so bad to tell the unknown lady that he was committing suicide. “What do you need us to do?” the lady said with a little worried voice. “My boyfriend is coming home to me in ten minutes... and I need you to come here and tell him that he shouldn’t come in, and give him the letter I have beside me.” Niall was now shaking but he still hold the razor in his hand ready to do what he needed. “Wait, what? Why can’t we let your boyfriend in?” she now sounded really worried. It took a while for Niall to say it. It was a hard sentence. “I… am… committing..suicide...” Niall hang up, dropped the phone to the floor and picked up the letter instead. He took the sharp blade and pressed it into his throat. It hurt but Niall didn’t care. He just knew it would disappear for forever now. The last thought that went through Niall’s head before he got lost to nowhere was ‘Harry’.


End file.
